If this comes creased and creased again and soiled
as if I’d opened it a thousand times
to see if what I’d written here was right,
it’s all because I looked too long for you
to put in your pocket. Midnight says
the little gifts of loneliness come wrapped
by nervous fingers. What I wanted this
to say was that I want to be so close
that when you find it, it is warm from me.
“Pocket Poem,” By Ted Kooser; In: Valentines: poems, 2008)
This past week, I addressed three brightly colored envelopes, red and pink, to the grandchildren who occupy such a big space in my heart. I’ve been sending them valentines every February since they were first born, and for good measure, adding cards for their mothers, my daughters to the list. One more card is hidden in my desk, which I’ll place on my husband’s desk early Thursday morning, a continuing tradition that, despite the many years that we’ve been together, remains intact.
Valentines, however entwined with rampant commercialism that accompanies all holidays, began as a simple expression of love and gratitude, the first attributed to the Charles, Duke of Orleans, imprisoned in 1415 in the Tower of London after the Battle of Agincourt. As the story goes, he passed his time writing romantic verses for his wife, who was still living in France. Today, nearly sixty of the Duke’s poems remain and are considered as the first modern-day valentines. Yet nearly three hundred years passed by before valentines became popular, their verses created by valentine writers in England in booklets that could be copied on decorative paper. By the early 1800’s, valentines were constructed from simple black and white illustrations, painted and assembled in factories. By the mid 1800’s, valentines were adorned with lace and ribbons, included affectionate messages and illustrations of turtle-doves, lovers’ knots in gold or silver, cupids and bleeding hearts. Even though the valentines on display racks in card shops and drug stores now range from the flowery to the comical, I was surprised to learn that more cards are exchanged on Valentine’s Day than other time of the year except, perhaps, Christmas.
Like many of you, I first experienced the exchange of Valentine’s cards in kindergarten. My teacher decorated a large hat box with red and white paper hearts, lace and ribbons. This, she explained was our valentine card mailbox, and each student was instructed to bring one valentine for each classmate, to be placed in the “mailbox” and exchanged at our Valentine’s Day party. The excitement we all felt was palpable, and early on the morning of February 14, I awakened and slipped out of bed quietly while my parents still slept. I tiptoed into the living room of our upstairs apartment where a package of valentines lay on a card table, waiting to be addressed.
I was too excited to wait for my mother and went to work, painstakingly printing the one name I knew how to spell in dark blue ink. By the time my mother walked into the room, I’d addressed over two-thirds of the packet of 32 and proudly showed her my handiwork. I didn’t expect her reaction, one of shock and “Oh, no, Sharon…what have you done?” I’d addressed all the cards to my very best friend, another girl with the same name as mine, carefully printing, “To Sharon H., From Sharon B.” just as we were distinguished in our classroom. My mother managed to salvage the remaining third for other children in the class, but the memory of that morning lingers. As my teacher pulled one card after another from the decorated box and called out each recipient’s name, one classmate received many more valentines than anyone else. “Why, here’s another card for Sharon H.,” she said, casting a knowing smile in my direction. “I wonder who it’s from?”
Ted Kooser, former poet laureate of the U.S., began a Valentine’s tradition in 1986 that lasted nearly twenty years. According to NPR, each February, many women around the country and found a postcard in their mailbox bearing a red heart with a poem on it-a valentine from Kooser. He’d been inspired by a friend who sent handmade valentines out each year, and in 1986, he sent his first Valentine, a “pocket poem,” to approximately 50 women he knew or had met at his poetry readings.
Over the years, whenever he made a public appearance, and with the blessing of his wife, Kooser invited women to add their names and addresses to his mailing list. The list quickly grew from 50 in 1986 to 2700 by 2007, and his wife prompted him to “rein it in,” since by then he was spending nearly $1,000 in postage and printing. The enduring result was a collection of the poems he’d sent to the women on his mailing list, simply titled Valentines: poems (U. of Nebraska, 2008). Valentine’s Day, he reminded his NPR audience in a 2008 All Things Considered broadcast, is a great holiday for a poet or anyone. “It’s not tied up with anything other than expressions of sentiment,” he said. Kooser remarked that his wife was very patient with the project, since he always wrote “special valentines” for her.
If a loved one or friend is going through cancer treatment, showing your support in different ways can be like giving a valentine to them–ways that matter during the roller coaster ride of cancer diagnosis and treatment. A dinner out or a gift of chocolates are unlikely to appeal to someone going through treatment, but there are, as MD and Oncologist/Hematologist Cynthia Chua advises, “some wonderful things you can do for your Valentine… sometimes just ‘being there’ is a great gift. Just spend the day with your Valentine and show them how much you care.” She and writer Jennifer Mia offer some suggestions for celebrating Valentine’s Day together with someone who has cancer:
- Write a love note or make a card.
- Serve them breakfast in bed
- Pick up a stuffed animal for them to take to the next chemotherapy session.
- Rent a movie to watch together.
- Forgot to buy a card to send? Then send an e-card or make time for a telephone call.
- Give the gift of journaling–a notebook of blank pages to write in.
- Offer a soft, cozy blanket for time in chemotherapy or a cold hospital room.
But let’s be clear: You don’t need a Valentine’s Day to express that you care for someone. You can do this at any time by sending a card, note, email or simply giving him or her a call to show you are thinking about them. What matters is that you take the time to do it. You might be surprised at how much it means to someone simply to know that someone cares or is grateful for him or her. A few weeks ago, I gave my cardiologist a note of gratitude, written in the form of a somewhat humorous poem, and what I discovered, in doing so, was how very much she appreciated it.
What matters in this world of busy-ness, stress, economic downturns, political drama or the instant and abbreviated communication we’ve succumbed to on the internet, is simply taking the time to express appreciation, concern or gratitude for the people you care about. It’s a great gift. You don’t have to wait for February 14th or any other specified holiday. The simple act of pausing to remember those we care about and those who have cared for us in times of struggle, hardship or illness, reminds us of what matters most in our lives: people, friendship, love.
“A Perfect Heart”
To make a perfect heart you take a sheet
of red construction paper…fold it once,
and crease it really heard, so it feels
as if your thumb might light up a match
then choose your scissors from the box. I like
those safety scissors with the sticky blades
and the rubber grips that pinch a little skin
as you snip along. They make you careful,
just as you should be, cutting out a heart
for someone you love. Don’t worry that your curve
won’t make a valentine; it will. Rely
on chewing on your lip and symmetry
to guide your hand along with special art.
And there it is at last: a heart, a heart!
(By Ted Kooser, in: Valentines: poems, 2008)
Writing Suggestions
- Try writing a valentine this week, a poem, a postcard, even a letter—to someone you appreciate.
- Why not write yourself a valentine, saving it for a time when you might need a little self-care.
- Perhaps you have your own memory of a long-ago Valentine’s Day. Write it.
- If writing a card or poem is not something you find easy to do, then pick up your phone and make a call to someone you care about. Send an email or a Facebook message. Wish them a happy Valentine’s Day, and let them know you are thinking about them.
